Now that your here, in Xanadu! (J)

That's right baby. Xanadu! It was free on On Demand and dear Gawd, we watched the whole thing. Why didn't this film get more recognition? Can you say Oscar? It was Roller-rific. Kira, played by "soft focus" Olivia Newtown John, is a muse sent to earth to help Gene Kelly (Danny) and Michael Beck (Sonny) open the most wonderful club in the world, Xanadu. Sonny is a struggling artist with snug crotch jeans and he comes across Danny who is playing clarinet on the beach (of course, where else) and offers him some popcorn and they become fast friends. Add some gratuitous song breaks for ONJ to pimp her new album and ELO (I forget to love them but I do oh so much)to pimp their contribution to the Xanadu soundtrack and a song break that turns both ONJ and Hot Pants into cartoon characters and then we are at the big finish. Kira loves Sonny and Sonny love Kira so he jumps through a mural to Ancient Greece to tell Zeus that he loves his muse daughter and wants to either stay with her in the groovy disco lights that is Mt. "Whatever" or take her with him back through the brick wall on the blvd forever. Zeus kicks camel toes out of the disco and ONJ sings, in soft focus, how she loves him. Zeus relents under the pressure of naggy Mrs. Zeus and lets Kira go back for a "moment or forever, I forget which is which" (because the most powerful Greek god EVER is a retard) and she goes back through the wall just in time for the grand opening of Xanadu. HUGE music number where ONJ sings and sings and sings and then winks and turns into a light beam and is gone. Or is she? **spoiler alert** The cocktail waitress brings moose knuckles a drink and when she turns around, it is.... you guessed it, ONJ (soft focus)! Somehow ONJ gets it into the contract on both Grease and Xanadu that she must always be shot with a soft focus but she couldn't get out of the roller skating portion of Xanadu? That woman was going to break a wrist, I was convinced. Even old Gene Kelly was better on the roller skates (oh yes, they did) than ONJ. I am convinced that the story board for that movie came from a drug induced sleepover where everyone put a piece of paper into a hat on which they wrote a piece of pop culture that was "groovy" right then. That hat was brought to drug induced writers and the instructions were, "If you get all these ideas into the movie, there is a dime bag waiting for each of you in the lobby." So, 4 hours later, we have the cinema gold that is Xanadu and the snack machine on the 3rd floor was emptied (by the writers because they each got their bag, you see). This could only have been worse had I been forced to watch it with my eyelids pulled back ala "A Clockwork Orange" (which doesn't suck and is penis-rific).